


That unerring nerve to go after our deepest desires

by pseudofoucault333



Series: Malec Week [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: BAMF Magnus Bane, Background Jocelyn Fairchild/Luke Garroway, Canon-Typical Violence, Coming Out, Communication, Conversations, Episode: s01e12 Malec - Wedding Scene, Episode: s01e13 Morning Star, Flirtatious Magnus, French Kissing, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Making Out, Making Up, Malec Week, Malec Week 2016, Missing Scene, Newly Out Alec, Post-Wedding, Protective Alec, Protective Magnus Bane, Reassuring Magnus, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, Supportive Magnus Bane, Sweet Magnus, Understanding Magnus, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-13 07:40:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7968178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudofoucault333/pseuds/pseudofoucault333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Magnus reassured Alec about their conversation not long after bringing Jocelyn out of her coma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A bit of quiet among the madness

**Title:** That unerring nerve to go after our deepest desires.  
**Author:** pseudofoucault333 // Redtintedhale  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Magnus/Alec  
**POV:** 3rd  
**Summary:** Magnus and Alec have a quiet moment together before they go to face the music.  
**Disclaimer:** The whole concept of Shadowhunters © the satan that is CC, don’t sue because the contents of my bank account is only worth next to nothing in US$. Also and I can't stress this enough I don't give permission for this or any other of my stuff to be reposted on Goodreads or anywhere else. If I find out it is I'll be pissed. Title © Poets of the Fall and Plot mostly based on fiction…i.e not real….but a girl can wish <3  
**Author Notes:** Currently unbeta'd. So as I was trying to come up with what to write for day 7 three ideas just spilled out of me, kind of like every scene that every other Shadowhunter Fan Fic writer just has to write. So I thought instead of picking one I'd just use this opportunity to post them all here so I can then work on the non canon plots that have been nagging me Written for Malec Week Day 7 on Tumblr but posted late, Comments and Kudos = pwp and cookies :D

Once the crowd had left the chapel, avoiding both Alec and Magnus like a pair of pariahs unless they were Alec’s siblings or their friends, it left the pair sitting in the seats where not long ago there had been Clave envoys all hell bent on watching Alec throw his life away. Marrying Lydia so the Lightwoods could regain their standing among the masses. But the moment that Magnus had walk in the feeling had changed and so had Alec’s mind.

Magnus took a glance at Alec beside him who was staring up at the stained glass window behind the altar, fidgeting with the gold bracelet that he hadn’t had the time to return to Lydia before leaving her there. Alone.

“Alexander…are you OK?” Magnus asked softly, reigning in the urge to touch him since he knew the whole thing between them, hell his own sexuality, was still new to him and the last thing he wanted to do was push.

“Depends on how you define alright I guess.” Alec sighed, giving him a self deprecating smile as he removed the bracelet from his wrist and set it on the chair beside him. “I am curious as to what would you have done if I’d told you to leave though.”

“I would have thought that would have been obvious darling, I would have left and never bothered you again.” Magnus shrugged, as if it didn’t feel like his heart was being ripped out of his chest at the mere thought that he’d never get to see the Shadowhunter again.

“Really? Even with how you obviously feel for me?” Alec asked meeting his gaze, Magnus offering him a benign smile as he hesitantly rested his hand on top of the other's on the chair between them.

“Of course. Regardless of what I don’t doubt your parents or your tutors have told you, you can’t force someone to love you regardless of them being a warlock Alexander. I may feel strongly for you but if you hadn’t kissed me I would have given up. I suppose you could say it was my last ditch attempt to see what happened. Which makes me all the more glad that you did what you did.” Magnus said gently, giving him a look when the younger’s fingers voluntarily parted under his hand.

Alec gave him a small unsure smile as he turned his hand over and nodded. Magnus rested his palm against Alec’s and laced their fingers together, feeling like they were two piece of a puzzle touching for the first time.

“Then I’m glad too that I did what I did. Doesn’t mean I’m not still unsure about what happened, or if I even made the right decision in the long run but…” Alec looked down at their intertwined hands with a soft smile.

“You don’t regret it do you?” Magnus asked cautiously, stiffening a little at the thought that it could have been one of those out of the blue things.

“What? No of course not,” Alec soothed, even if there was a slight tinge of uncertainty in his voice as he brushed his thumb over the back of Magnus’ hand. “I mean it did happen pretty fast but no matter what happens next I can assure you without a shadow of a doubt that I will never regret it.”

“As long as you’re completely sure. Because being truthful about this kind of thing is important…” Magnus said watching him critically.

“I promise.” Alec said, pressing a kiss to the back of his hand.

Silence fell over the two of them, Alec’s gaze rested back on the altar and Magnus on the other’s profile, just waiting for the moment when he’d say it was all too much to handle right now and it might be best if they called it off for a while.

“Guess we should go face the music and the masses.” Alec sighed, reluctantly parting their hands and reaching for the bracelet as he got to his feet.

“You sure? You really want to face Maryse’s wrath right now and ruin what was turning out to be a beautiful moment?” Magnus asked, pouting at him playfully and causing Alec to grimace.

“Believe me, I’d so much rather not. But If I don’t do it now or put it off all together the repercussions will be all the worse later.” Alec sighed, taking a glance at Magnus who reluctantly gave in and got up too.

“OK, then let’s go before I change my mind and create a portal to my loft so we can avoid all the unpleasantness.” Magnus said, as he led the way down the row of chairs towards the perimeter of the room, wanting the next time they walked down an aisle to be much less of a disaster, and waiting for Alec at the doorway that he had burst through what seemed like days ago to disrupt the wedding.

Alec offered him a smile and paused to squeeze his fingers before leading the way down the hall towards the ops room, where he was sure his parents would come looking for him later. They always had been the type to reprimand him in a relatively public place instead of behind closed doors. Still at least this time he had Magnus beside him, the feel of his lips still lingering on his lips and tongue in his mouth, assuring him that it had been and would always be worth it in the long run.


	2. A tête-à-tête in the hallway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Magnus and Alec really talked about when they were 'checking the perimeter'.

There was a deadly kind of silence between the pair as Magnus led the way through Camille’s apartment with a sense of a familiarity that instantly made Alec feel uneasy. Magnus seemed to be able to feel the tension between them that had followed them from his apartment after he walked in on the kiss. Made all of the more obvious by the way that Alec refused to meet his gaze as he checked every room with his seraph blade glowing brightly in case there was anyone there.

“You do know that it wasn’t what it looked like.” Magnus finally said, the two stopping at a corner in the corridor that led to the other entrance to Camille’s library.

“Magnus, now really isn’t the time for us to go into this…” Alec said, his voice strained as he moved in the direction of the next set of doors parallel to the library, only stopping when Magnus rested a hand on his arm that made him stiffen.

“Now is the perfect time. I set up magical triggers around the apartment decades ago, back when Camille and I were together and they are still active. I’d know if there were any circle members here the moment we walked in the door Alec. Come on we need to talk.” Magnus said, stepping in front of the Shadowhunter who effectively receded the blade back into the handle and replaced it in the pocket of his jacket.

“What is there to talk about?” Alec asked, leaning against the wooden panel clad wall with his arms behind him at the small of his back.

“You know what we need to talk about Alec. I swear to you it wasn’t what it looked like. It was just Camille playing mind games like she always does when she sees that I’m happy. Ruining my happiness is her favourite pastime, something I would have hoped she had long since grown out of.” Magnus said, leaning his side against the wall beside Alec as he rested his hand soothingly on Alec’s arm.

Alec said nothing, obviously in thought as Magnus met his gaze.

“Honestly, ask yourself why I’d give up everything that we fought so hard for, for her? Why I’d _willingly_ kiss HER not long after I finally get you in my life Alexander? In all honesty I wouldn’t.” Magnus said, taking a step into the Shadowhunter’s personal space and brushing a hand against Alec’s clean shaven cheek that had the Nephilim’s eyes fluttering closed.

“I fought too long and too hard for her to destroy us with one forced kiss that meant nothing. That will forever pale in comparison to the one we shared in the chapel last night.” Magnus murmured, cupping Alec’s chin and brushing his thumb against his bottom lip as the shadowhunter willingly bent his head toward the touch.

“What about our kiss?” Alec murmured, breathlessly their gazes meeting. The warlock understanding what he was asking without even needing to ask.

“That meant more to me than you can even begin to imagine. It felt like I had finally found who I was destined to be with after so long. And that feeling is not something I would give up without a fight, I promise you Alexander…” Magnus murmured, moving his thumb out the way and grazing his lips teasingly against Alec’s.

Alec leaned into the touch and the moment their lips met the same desperation and heat that had erupted between them at the wedding seemed to take hold. Alec’s arms slipping around his waist, bringing him closer as Magnus took control, sliding his tongue between Alec’s lips and tilting his head to deepen it, causing Alec to groan deep in this throat. But all too soon a warning headache flowed like a migraine through the Warlock’s head causing him pull back reluctantly and grimace as he met Alec’s gaze. The Shadowhunter seemed to understand what was happening without a word leaving the Warlock’s lips, as he pulled the seraph blade out with ease and rested a soothing hand on Magnus’ cheek.

“How many?” He whispered, his voice a combination of rough and hoarse that had Magnus’ knees wanting to buckle as he swallowed.

“I…I don’t know, at least six. I can’t pinpoint the source or how they managed to breach what wards I have remaining around here…” Magnus grimaced, the sound of booted footsteps coming from down the hall seeming to make his warning disguised as a headache hurt even more.

“Ok, well we can handle this and pick up where we left off later.” Alec said, offering him a small smile.

“Your wish is my command.” Magnus breathed, leaning against the wall behind him as Alec sliced his seraph blade through an incoming circle member who erupted into a sea of glowing matter. 

Once Magnus managed to push the lingering pain from the spell to the back of his mind he managed to get involved too by letting his magic flare up in the palm of his hands like two fireballs. He swiftly joined the shadowhunter who was battling another, shooting a magical fireball at one figure who looked about ready to sneak up on Alec, when the warlock felt the edge of a seraph blade across his throat.

“If I were you I’d just give up while you’re ahead boy.” A voice from behind him said, causing Alec to look up and freeze at the sight, his seraph blade in stopping in mid stroke but was quickly avoided by the circle member he’d been fighting.

“Alec just keep going, warn the others...” Magnus said through gritted teeth, ignoring the feel of blood trickling down his neck.

“But he won’t will you downworlder lover?” The voice from behind him quipped, as Alec grimaced but let his seraph blade fall willingly from his fingers to the floor, his gaze fixated on Magnus.

“Now let’s go shall we? I’m sure Valentine will be happy to have more witnesses to his success.” Another voice said, the end of his seraph blade now digging into the small of Alec’s back causing the pair to exchange glances as they left themselves be cohered to where they were wanted. 

But regardless of the situation they were both in they still couldn’t help the odd secret smile at the knowledge that while things between them weren’t completely resolved by a long shot and there was still some that needed to be worked out, they were together as long as they had that they were at their most powerful.


	3. A few kisses in the Institute Head's Office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Magnus reassured Alec about their conversation not long after bringing Jocelyn out of her coma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally we have the last one!! I apologize for taking so long to post it but with other fics on the brain on top of my ridiculous cold at the moment I unfortunately kept forgetting. But finally my Malec week is done and I can now focus on Sterek Week! Along with my other Shadowhunter fics, so definitely keep an eye out for those in my SHwriting challenge series...there will be quite a few appearing soon. ;)

Alec hadn’t stuck around while Magnus was bringing Jocelyn out of her comatose state, not that Magnus had really expected him to in all fairness, but it didn’t shift the sense of uneasiness when he closed the Book of the White to leave Clary, Luke and Jocelyn to their reunion alone. He took a glance at Isabelle who was watching the reunion with a kind of wistfulness, probably wondering what that kind of familial love must feel like, since Maryse wasn't exactly known for her parenting skills, yet she seemed to feel his gaze and gesture him to follow her from the room with the jerk of the head.

“You manage to speak to Alec?” Isabelle asked, once they were stood in the corridor where not too long ago Alec had expressed his concern about Magnus’ Immortality in comparison to his own mortality, the young Shadowhunter’s last words before he was pulled away to cast the spell on Jocelyn echoing around and around in his head like a church bell.

_“You watch the people you care about age and die.”_

“Only a little. Although I doubt what was said was of much comfort to either of us.” Magnus said, offering the younger Lightwood a weak smile as he tapped his ringed fingers against the leather cover of the Book of the White to let off some excess energy.

“Then go speak to him some more! You can’t just let something you’ve only just got be wrecked because of my brother’s insecurities and your ex not knowing when to keep her mouth shut.” Isabelle said, stopping Magnus from leaving by blocking his path.

“Isabelle darling, this is still new for your brother and though you may find it hard to believe, new for me too. I’m not about to push him just because of what I want, it's not fair to either of us. Besides you know as well as I do that this kind of thing is a two way street. If he needs time to figure out what he wants, then I’ll give him as much time as he needs.” Magnus said, offering her a soft smile.

“Please, just go see him before you leave, that’s all I ask. Just to make sure he’s OK.” Isabelle pleaded, resting a hand on his arm.

“I don’t know if it’ll cause more harm than good, but I suppose I could give him an update on Jocelyn before I go.” Magnus agreed resignedly, hugging the book to his chest unsurely.

“He’ll probably be in his room opposite the Head’s office.” Isabelle said with an encouraging smile as she finally stepped aside and turned towards the ops room, probably to catch up on any updates they had on Jace or Valentine's whereabouts. 

“I’ll see you later darling, just make sure to call me if Jocelyn experiences any long term side effects.” Magnus called after her, taking a glance at her retreating back over his shoulder before walking through the corridors towards the familiar office of the Institute’s Head. An Office that he was only ever allowed in when it was business, as if Maryse was sure he’d steal something otherwise. 

He soon reached the door Isabelle had mentioned out and swallowed, taking a small breath before knocking, his rings thudding against the wood. He wasn’t surprised when he didn’t hear an immediate reply and was considering just leaving it when he heard a soft sigh accompanied by a forced “Come in.”

Magnus made himself open the door and walk in, finding Alec sat at the less imposing desk the room offered compared to the main office. His back was to the room, probably to keep him focused on the task at hand, as he scribbled some official looking paperwork that either his mother or Lydia had asked him to fill out on the events leading up to Jace being taken. Though soon the younger soon looked up at the feel of a gaze on his back and the soft sound of the door closing shut behind the Warlock.

“Er…hi. How did it go with Jocelyn?” Alec asked, setting his pen down as Magnus walked towards him with a smile.

“She’s awake, reunited with Biscuit and Luke where she’s supposed to be. I’ve just asked Isabelle to keep an eye on her for any possible side effects from the long term exposure to the spell. It's highly unlikely but always better to be safe than sorry where magic is concerned.” Magnus said gently.

“That’s good. That she’s finally awake I mean.” Alec said, letting out a breath as he fidgeted with the pen between his long calloused fingers.

“Anyway, I just thought I’d just come and say my goodbyes before I retreat to the loft to recharge my batteries. Well that and put the book of the white under lock and key somewhere safe. Besides with Jace gone there's no guaranteeing I'll get to see you until he comes back,” Magnus shrugged, though could feel Alec watching him skeptically like he knew what had really pushed him to come in.

“In other words, Izzy asked you to come see me before you left…” Alec sighed, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well yes, partly. I did tell her that you needed some time and space alone, although I must admit to being slightly selfish in jumping at the opportunity to see your face.” Magnus admitted, brushing his fingertips against the leather cover of the Book of the White to ground him a little.

Alec didn’t reply, causing Magnus to swallow and bite his lip, sure that he had made things worse, before continuing. 

“Alexander, I understand this is so new to you, that there are things you want to think through before we continue with whatever this is between us. But no matter what you decide I promise I will accept it for what it is. If you don’t think when it comes right down to it that you can live with the thought of me hurting when you die or whatever, it will have been a pleasure to know you regardless.” Magnus said, turning to walk back towards the door when he heard Alec say his name softly and cause him to turn back.

“Yes?”

He heard the crinkle of cotton moving and denim scratching against denim as Alec got up from his chair and soon found himself face to face with the Shadowhunter, whose gaze was fixated on him like he was the Angel out of the two of them, that he was lucky to have found let alone have in his presence.

“You’re really OK to give me time?” Alec asked, brushing a hand to Magnus’ cheek that caused a spark to settle against Magnus’ skin.

“Of course I am, anything to make you more comfortable. There’s no rush Alexander, though I do hate to use a cliché we do have all the time in the world.”

Alec seemed to stiffen at his choice of words, letting out a soft breath as his eyes lingered over Magnus’ features before murmuring softly, “What if after all the time you give me I’m no less confused?”

“Well anyone in your positions would be regardless. Things have moved way too fast between us, with uncertainty, with the wedding that never was, with Camille opening her mouth and using me like a pawn. You just need the time to think without any interference on my part, that’s all.” Magnus soothed, looking at him from under his mascara covered eyelashes.

“And what if I want to kiss you regardless of all that? For us to still go on that first date that you were planning before we found Lydia and everything went even closer to hell?” Alec asked, Magnus unable to stop the small smile spreading across his face.

“I’d kiss you back without a doubt and be more than happy to make the reservations, as long as you were sure. That is the most important thing angel. But for now, that’s just something to think about for when the time comes. Like I said before, there’s no rush.” Magnus said.

“I don’t need to think about it anymore Magnus. I want to enjoy as much time and life with you as I possibly can instead of wasting time thinking about what ifs and maybes.” Alec said, taking a step towards the warlock and grazing his thumb against Magnus’ jawline as he guided his head upright, leaning down to press their lips together.

Magnus leaned into it without a second thought, the addictive feel of the other’s lips to his own and the hesitant feel of his tongue brushing the seam of Magnus’ lips distracting him to the point that the Book of the White fell from his grip on to the floor with a slap. He wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck to deepen the kisses hungrily, feeling it was something he was never going to get used but at the same time craved desperately like an addict. It had felt like days instead of hours since he’d last felt the younger’s lips against his own and though he would never admit as such.

He let out a shaky breath as Alec’s arms rested around his waist, turning them around until Magnus’ back was rested against the door, the warlock panting into the taller’s mouth as his fingers raked through his disheveled hair, pulling a muffled groan from Alec’s mouth. He could practically see stars before his eyes when they pulled back to catch their breath, even as he nipped and sucked at the branded skin on the side of Alec’s neck.

“I think you’re going to owe me some reservations soon…” Alec murmured, Magnus sucking a rather large bruise to the underside of the archer’s jaw that had him gasping.

“Definitely sounds good to me,” Magnus breathed into Alec’s skin, the calloused skin of Alec’s finger tips brushing under his shirt causing his skin to shiver with goosebumps as he was directed away from the door. 

The Book of the White sat on the floor, forgotten.

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> My [Tumblr.](http://redtintedhale.tumblr.com/)


End file.
